Mice

We have a mouse (or even some mice) in our kitchen. Right there in the drawer under the cooker where we keep the peanut butter. Little grey fella with the Tom and Jerry ears. Definately grey not brown. Seen quite alot of him actually, often. But more later. Quite cute but boy does he shit. Anyway to resolve the hygene issues we decided humane traps were the way ahead.

Day one. Humane trap purchased. Grey box with see through lid. Mouse smells food, enters via ramp, spring- ramp comes back up and mouse is trapped. No.

Bait is installed and we wait, not watching with a torch but almost. Eleven o'clock, night one. No sign of mouse, mint kitcat remains untouched inside box. Mouse seen leaving vicinity, apparently in no hurry when drawer is opened.

Day Two. Inspect trap. Kit Kat is nibbled. Trap is filled with mouse-shit, no actual mouse in trap however. At this point we decide that the equipment is not so much a trap as a feeding station. We presented it to the hardware store that sold it and on the obvious evidence (ie box full of mouse shit and no mouse) they agree to replace the trap with an alternative, again humane device. This one is a black plastic tunnel with a central elbow. Food is placed at the end of the tunnel, mouse enters tunnel, crosses elbow and unbalances the trap, door swings too behind the mouse and hey presto he is caught. Feeding station number two.

Day three exploration of the trap discovers that all of the peanut butter has been eaten from inside the trap but mouse has then reversed out and wandered away,he was again seen leaving the scene with a degree of unimaginable nonchallence- is that the best you can do? Houdini mouse two, humane traps nil.

Day 4. Traditional murderous mouse trap installed (fingers sore) alongside trap number two- humane option. Mouse has choice, go with the humane solution or die. Simple. Mouse fails to grasp nature of deal and eats food from both traps. Little furry bastard. Attitude walking off waving two fingers in the air. We persevere with both options.

Day 5. Home from pub in evening around midnight. Check for dead vermin. None in murdering trap. Partner picks up humane trap, gives a little shake. Door has shut. Partner opens door and replaces trap in drawer. Mouse exits trap left. Not only waving two fingers but whistling the great escape.

Day six. Mouse now eating more peanut butter than one critter alone could possibly manage. Feeding stations frequently replenished. Idea that mice may be like labradors and will eat and eat and eat until they fall over and cannot get up again. Fat little bastards time is ticking away. Thinking of taking up falconry with garden kestrel if I ever catch the little shit. Swing it around head on string until hawks come.

To be continued.